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There’s nothing quite like Thanksgiving weekend.  Turkey, stuffing, yams, drunken relatives, and football.   If you’re a typical American like us, then you came limping into the office this morning because you tried to re-live your glory days on the gridiron over the weekend, only to be tackled repeatedly by a younger, more agile family member.  Still,  your performance was comparable to other, more esteemed athletes from this past week.  You were gunning the ball like Eli Manning, clutch like Gus Frerotte, as dominant as the Patriots against the Eagles, and you remain as undefeated as University of Kansas.  Hey, at least we have plenty of solid sports for you to watch this week.
Boston Celtics versus New York Knicks (Thursday, 8 p.m. EST)

Two franchises with dissatisfied fans.  The Knicks are in complete disarray with no hope for the future.  The Celtics haven’t won a championship 12 games into the season and that just won’t cut it in Boston anymore.  Sidenote: Starbury is threatening to go to the press with dirt on Isiah if he doesn’t play at least 52 minutes in this 48 minute game.

Division Championship Week in College Football (Saturday)

Missouri versus Oklahoma.  LSU versus Tennessee.  Virginia Tech versus Boston College.  West Virginia versus Pitt (not a championship, but still important). Coming off of “Rivalry Week”, these teams face a far more powerful enemy now - the BCS.  Good luck gentlemen, and may the possibly best but probably not teams earn that bid!

Green Bay Packers versus Dallas Cowboys (Thursday, 8:15 p.m. EST)

The matchup everyone has been waiting for.  Two great quarterbacks with similar styles of play - one that’s been to the Super Bowl and one that aspires to someday get there.  The wily old veteran against the up-and-coming kid.  If the starters get hurt, we could finally see these guys go head-to-head - Brad Johnson and Aaron Rodgers. Think about it.

Missouri versus Arkansas (Wednesday, 8:05 p.m. EST)

What a matchup this would be!…..if it were football.  Unfortunately, it’s basketball and neither of these teams are all that good this year. But hey, it’s Wednesday and there’s not much else on.

Shrek the Halls (Tuesday, 8 p.m. EST)

The first Christmas special of the year features the big green ogre that hasn’t been funny since the first installment over four years ago.  Just missing the cut was “Saved by the Jingle Bell”, “Prancing with the Stars”, and “The Miss-tletoe America Pageant”.

The BCS is about to be a disaster. Kansas is going to beat Missouri, then lose to Oklahoma. LSU isn’t guaranteed to win out, so they might drop off again as well. Basically, there are about 6 to 8 teams this year that are all kind of even, which means that a single game simply cannot clearly define who is the college football champion this year. Now we all want to see a tournament played, but we also all know that this is never going to happen. So I’m here today to offer you some alternative methods to define which team is college football’s best.

1. The Globe Spin - Spin a globe around and then quickly stick a pin in a random spot. Whichever university is closest to the pin is your winner. Sadly, this is still more logical than the BCS system. (Sidenote: I just tried it and the winner was University of Baghdad.)

2. Who’s Now? - Since ESPN has decided to control the sports world, how about we just let them decide the winners too? That’s right, a “Who’s Now?” of college football!!!! Stuart Scott is so excited for this, his eyes are poppin’ out of his head! And don’t forget the celebrity picks. I can’t wait to see who Mark Wahlberg and Jessica Biel believe is the nation’s top team!

3. College Football Idol - College football should be about more than just football - it should be about which team has the chance to be the next American idol!!! You’re sure to laugh when LSU defensive tackle Glenn Dorsey tries to sing a Coldplay song and Simon just rips him apart, but Dorsey decides to pancake him afterwards. Oh, and Paula Abdul will be thrilled to party with the college football teams….

Paula Abdul (above) parties with the mascot for the NC State Wolfpack

4. Mascot Royal Rumble - You thought that fight between the Washington State Cougar and Oregon Duck was cool? Just wait until there’s 128 mascots in a wrestling ring fighting to the death. My money is on Otto the Orange! Go ‘Cuse!

5. The International Orange Tostitos Fiesta Bowl with Sugar on top - That’s right, we are combining 4 bowls into one MEGA BOWL! Eight teams playing each other at once to decide the #1 ranked team. I have no idea how this would work, but man would that be fun to watch!

6. EA Sports College Football ‘08 - The coaches of the top two teams play each other in this video game, but they play as the other team. And put the settings at snow game, no injuries or penalties. This will truly decide who is the better coach.

So everyone defended Bobby Reid, the Oklahoma State quarterback who got “unfairly” ripped in an article a few weeks back, including his own coach, Mike Gundy.  But now Bobby Reid is - shhhh - not showing up to practice.  And he’s - shhhhh - in Gundy’s doghouse and might even be cut from the team.  Oh, and the journalist who wrote the article, Jenni Carlson is - shhhh - probably 100% correct in her evaluation of why Bobby Reid lost the starting job. 

Do I find it acceptable that Carlson ripped into a collegiate athlete in a mediocre football program? No.  But what I also find unacceptable is Gundy making a scene out of it and saying “Three-fourths of this is inaccurate.  It’s fiction.”  All the article says is that the kid is not putting his heart into the position and not handling it well.  There’s some stuff about Bobby Reid getting fed chicken by his momma, but let’s get past that. Now I know nothing about the situation going on and don’t have any inside knowledge whatsoever, but seems to me Jenni Carlson spoke the truth mixed in with a little bit of her own opinion.  Isn’t that what a columnist is supposed to do? 

Chill out Gundy.  Oh, and please don’t come after me….

Sidenote: The title of this blog would make a great Bob Dylan song title.

It’s Monday, depression is setting in, and you’re starting to regret some decisions you made this weekend.  Maybe you shouldn’t have punched that puppy while you were drunk, but who really knows?  At this point, you’re debating going to the liquor store on your lunch break and buying some bailey’s to add to your sixth cup of coffee for the day, but will that solve anything?  Will it make the pain go away?  Maybe, maybe not.  But don’t fear, there are sports events coming up that you just can’t miss.  Just keep plugging away, we promise that it’s worth it.

Indianapolis Colts versus Jacksonville Jaguars (October 21, 8:30p.m.)

At this point, you have to root for the Colts because we all really want to see them and the Pats play each other while they are both still undefeated.  This is the first solid Monday night matchup in a while, we just hope that Ron Jaworski and Tony Kornheiser stop cracking jokes and laughing enough to notice.  I miss Dennis Miller.

Boston College versus Virginia Tech (October 24, 7:30p.m.)

Let’s take a step back and look at the state of Boston sports right now.  The Red Sox are in the World Series, the Patriots are 7-0 and look above and beyond every team in the NFL, the Bruins are off to a surprising 5-2 start in the NHL, the Revolution are the defending champs of the MLS and are about to start their playoff run, the Celtics have 3 potential hall of famers playing for them in a water-downed Eastern Conference of the NBA, and Boston College will most likely go to the BCS title game if they win on Thursday.  If you are not rooting for Virignia Tech in this game, you are a bad person.

Ohio State versus Penn State (October 27, 8:00p.m.)

Please don’t let a Big 10 team get into the national title game. Please please please. Joe Pa, if there is a God, you will win this game.  Then you will gracefully step down from coaching because you are 110 years old and have Alsheimer’s.

The World Series (begins October 23, 8p.m.)

Red Sox.  Rockies.  Tim McCarver.  Dane Cook. Rocktober.  Transformers.  Josh Beckett’s ex-girlfriend. This is what it is all about (mostly Beckett’s ex).  The Colorado Rockies have NEVER won a World Series and the Boston Red Sox fans still whine like they never have either.  I love this World Series matchup and I hate it.  Ok, I dont hate the matchup, I just really hate Tim McCarver and Dane Cook and the city of Boston.  Prediction: Rockies in 6.  They open up with a statement victory against the untouchable Beckett.  The Rockies then take it one step further and have Danielle Peck get married to Matt Holliday during the seventh inning stretch. What a lucky guy….

We here at www.ticketsofamerica.com have decided to make the “Best Upcoming Sports Events” a monday morning staple.  Much of our audience is a little hazy on Mondays, feeling a little depressed, and looking for anything in life worth living for.  Although we can’t help you with the personal issues you are clearly going through, we can offer a ray of sunshine in the form of sports.  Here are a few things going on soon that you need to be alive and well to watch. If you have other events going on, post ‘em up in the comments….

New England Patriots at Dallas Cowboys (October 14, 4:15 p.m.)

This matchup is why we love football season.  It’s as wonderful as winning a free happy hour at your favorite bar and by some fluke chance, “Girls Gone Wild” shows up and asks you to hold the camera.  Conversely, Monday night’s Bills/Cowboys game is like getting kicked out of Bennigan’s for drinking too much Pabst Blue Ribbon and puking on a family of six.

TCU at Stanford (October 13, 5:00 p.m.)

Stanford looks to regroup this week against TCU as they barely squeeked out a win against USC this past Saturday at the last second.

NASCAR Nextel Cup Series at Charlotte (October 13, 7:30 p.m.)

Oscar Wilde once said “Life imitates art far more than art imitates life.”  I doubt that he had a movie such as “Talladega Nights” in mind when he said this, but what’s going on in NASCAR these days is downright eerie.  Yesterday, a French Formula One champion (Jacques Villeneuve) made his debut in NASCAR at Talladega and a good ol’ country boy NASCAR hero (Jeff Gordon) was really pissed off about it.  I’ve never watched NASCAR in my life, but I’m tuning in on Saturday night to see if Villeneuve tries to kiss Jeff Gordon on the lips.

NHL Regular Season (all week)

Just like preseason hockey, except that it effects their records.