Wait, Holliday still hasn’t touched first?

So why are people so up in arms about having instant replay in baseball to acknowledge the validity of a homerun? Is this that big of a deal? I think instant replay should exist not only in every aspect of sport, but also in every aspect of life. If I could get a replay of my co-worker jamming the copy machine maybe they would be less inclined to blame me.

I could care less about ‘human error’ and ‘tradition of the game’ when it comes to getting to the appropriate results. Robots for umpires? Sure, why the hell not. These teams spend countless hours and millions upon millions of dollars to compete to win only to get their hopes and dreams crushed by some guy who makes a call based on a flashed judgement. And I’m not blaming the umpires here, they have an extremely difficult job that involves tons of scrutiny and amazing eye sight. I actually thought of becoming an umpire one week back in June of ‘05 and then decided that my time would be better spent sitting in an office all day wishing the power in my building would go out.

One of my clearest memories from childhood was during my years as an Orioles fan. It was the 1996 ALCS, game one. We’re up one in the bottom of the eighth when Derek Jeter’s lazy fly ball lands in the glove of one Jeffrey Maier, while Tony Tarasco is perched underneath waiting to make the out.

Of course, this wasn’t football, there are no interceptions and the fan interfering with the ball should have obviously been deemed an out, which it wasn’t. And despite the fact that Tarasco would have probably dropped the ball anyway, since that was kind of his thing, the fact still remains that the Orioles should have been one out closer to winning game one in New York. This story ends with Maier being given the keys to the city by Rudy Guliani and eventually becoming a minor league wash-up. If anyone ever tells me to vote for Guliani for president I punch them in the face because of this incident.

Anyway, imagine if there was instant replay. You go to the video tape and everything is cleared up. I don’t understand how replay is okay in the three other major sports as well as college but baseball is just too good for new technology. They’ll allow years of steroid abuse and controversy, salary caps that make your head spin, all-star games ending in ties, strikes, lockouts, the Devil Rays, and worthless hours of arbitration to attempt to fix it all, yet we can’t have a computer that tells us if the game is fair or not?

I’m all for tradition, but last time I checked Joe DiMaggio never played on Astroturf, made $12 million in a season, or had a freaking hill to deal with in centerfield. The game changes, just like everything else in this world. Why not let technology assist in making decisions that ultimately change the game and are near impossible for an umpire to make that is standing 80 feet away.

Let’s hope the GM’s voting results (which weren’t unanimous? really? what is wrong with you people) inspire the league to take a look at some of these issues. If for nothing else, so I don’t have to watch people like Jeffrey Maier being congratulated for cheating on Late Night with David Letterman, which by the way, I have not watched since…

Week 10 NFL Haiku Previews

The Samurai is back with his weekly haikus!!! I have been meditating on this all week, so I am very proud of what I produced. However, I trailed off and fell asleep for about 3 days, so I was not able to haiku every single game. Be happy with the ones I have. Gotta run, I have a meeting with the Dalai Lama….

Chicago v. Oakland

Urlacher is hurt

But its his heart, not his back

Broke by Paris H.

Detroit v. Arizona

Is it really true?

The Lions are a good squad?

Is Wayne Fontes still coach?

Denver v. Kansas City

Priest Holmes is starting

I wonder who the backup is

Christian Okoye?

San Francisco v. Seattle

This is Monday night?

I’ll be watching CSI

Damn I love that show

Buffalo v. Miami

If ‘Fins don’t win once

It will be a league record

With no asterick

Minnesota v. Green Bay

Favre is really old

Peterson might be his kid

Brett’s wife is so pissed

Jacksonville v. Tennessee

So I said last week

That the Titans are no good

Why’d you read this crap?

Cleveland v. Pittsburgh

Browns won’t win this game

This is my lock of the week

Unless I am wrong

Philadelphia v. Washington

I don’t like kickers

But Akers is different

Because of his ’stache

St. Louis v. New Orleans

I heard that the Saints

Used Reggie’s secret money

To help sign Drew Brees

San Diego v. Indianapolis

Upset of the week

If I am right about this

I will look smart

The Colts Win the Super Bowl! Oh, wait….

If you’ve been on any sports website in the last few days, you might have noticed that everyone has claimed the New England Patriots as undefeated regular season champs who have already won the Super Bowl.  Now, if you have received education past the second grade, you might realize that today is November 6 and the regular season doesn’t end for 2 more months.  Also, the Super Bowl happens in January, not November, so technically, the Patriots haven’t done anything.  The Patriots realize this, but the media and most NFL fans do not.

What’s most upsetting about the media hype over the Patriots win is that it was the Colts who most deserved to win that game.  They outplayed the Patriots, and by a lot.  The Pats had no answer for Joesph Addai.  Their defense pressured Tom Brady and kept him in check for most of the game.  They won the turnover battle.  The only thing they didn’t do well was score in the red zone, but guess what? Marvin Harrison, their biggest red zone threat, didn’t play.  In my opinion, it’s the Colts that should be the favorites again next time when they meet.  But wait, you say, next time it will probably be in New England because they have the tie breaker for home field advantage and there’s no way Indy has a chance of winning at Gilette Stadium.  Guess what?  The Colts run the ball and play smash mouth football, while the Patriots are all finesse on offense.  Which one is better suited to bad weather in Foxboro?  Um, the Colts. So I am proud to announce your 2008 Super Bowl champions - the Indianapolis Colts.  Don’t bother watching the rest of the season, I’ve already decided who has won.

…………

You’re still here.  Good, I was testing you.  Congratulations, you passed.  If you’re still here, that means you think the Patriots are unstoppable.  Well, I have a few ways that the rest of the NFL can stop the Patriots.  Here’s some tips:

1. Wash Belichik’s clothes - The scariest coach in the NFL won’t seem so scary when his sweatshirts have that Snuggle fabric softener feeling.  He also might not show up to the game because he’s busy cuddling with that adorable little teddy bear.

2. Hire someone to hurt Tom Brady or Randy Moss - I’m pretty sure Tom Brady’s backup is also working full time as my mechanic.  He certainly isn’t Super Bowl caliber like Trent Dilfer.  But if you can’t get a hired hitman to get to Tom Brady, then have him injure Randy Moss because guess what? Wes Welker and Donte Stallworth are worthless without him.  I think I just heard every white person in Boston gasp because I spoke poorly of Wes Welker.  Sorry, he’s nothing without Moss.  Get rid of Moss, get rid of the Patriots.

3. Start Adrian Peterson at Running Back - Ok, so this might only work in Fantasy football, and even then, it only works if you have him on your team.  But hey, it was worth a shot.

4. Tell the defense to act their age - Junior Seau, Mike Vrabel, Ted Bruschi, Rodney Harrison. These are all guys that were on Super Tecmo Bowl for Nintendo.  What’s next for the Pats? Karl Mecklenburg at linebacker, Dexter Manley at defensive end, and David Fulcher playing safety???

5. Trade for Robert Horry - So maybe Horry plays in the NBA, but hey, the guy wins championships.  I don’t care what sport this is, I want trophies.  Robert Horry is the key to getting that shiny stuff - the championship trophy.