NFL teams that should panic

Run Crappy Teams, Run!

It’s three weeks into the NFL season and for some, it’s time to hit the panic button already.  Every New Orleans Saint on Monday  was pretty much quoted as saying “It’s not time to panic.”  What this means to me is, it’s time to panic.  And that’s fine.  A lot of good stuff has come out of panicking. Every time that Forrest Gump panicked, he started running, and look how well that turned out for him. These NFL teams just have to figure out how to deal with panicking in their own way. The results can be astounding. 

New Orleans Saints
Why: This team has hit reality.  They are no longer good because they were never good to begin with.  Their defense can’t stop anyone, they lost their workhorse running back for the season, Drew Brees is coming back to earth, and Reggie Bush is overrated.

San Diego Chargers
Why: Norv Turner has his team crumbling faster than a castle of cards  and now Philip Rivers and Ladainian Tomlinson are in a catfight.  The highlights showed them touching fists after their quarrel, making it out like they had made up and everything was cool.  The reality is that Rivers was trying to punch LT in the mouth – but he’s as inaccurate with his punches as he is with his throws late in the game.

Chicago Bears
Why: Rex Grossman is the quarterback.  Also, “The Curse of the Losing Superbowl Team” lives on – four pro-bowlers left the game for the Bears this week.  Their defensive players are dropping like flies.  The offense hasn’t moved forward since the last time the defense did it for them.

Atlanta Falcons
Why: Their quarterback is Joey Harrington instead of Michael Vick.  Did you see his reaction to the first TD he threw all season (in Game 3)? He looked like a Gramatica brother after a pre-season extra point.  Another problem with this team might be that it lacks any and all talent.

Oakland Raiders
Why: The team just stinks as it lacks skills and ironically, commitment to winning. You have to wonder if these players believe in Lane Kiffin’s job. But who can blame them? After all he is the Raiders third head coach in as many seasons. They must be thinking “don’t bother to commit yourself, after all this year’s coach won’t be here next year,” right?  The only win they got was because their coach pulled the same move that punk’d him the week before when he called a timeout right before the other team kicked a game-tying field goal.

Cincinnati Bengals
Why: Despite scoring a gazillion points every week, this team is 1-2. They have probably the best offense in the NFL with huge weapons at every position.  Unfortunately, their defensive players are either in jail or just stink.  These guys couldn’t stop a taxi with its light on.  Ironically, their head coach is a “defensive coach.”

St. Louis Rams
 Why: The offensive line got beat up, which resulted in the quarterback and running back getting beat up.  They still have no defense and now they can’t even score.  Also, I’m pretty sure the Eagles stole their uniforms and offensive game plan.

Houston Texans
Why: This team is finally getting good, but their division is way too tough and they’re the youngest franchise in the NFL.

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2 comments so far

“He looked like a Gramatica brother after a pre-season extra point.” That’s a “line” even Michael Irvin would be proud of

nate
September 27th, 2007 at 10:02 am

Don’t forget the Giants…

Problem: Cannot beat anyone except the Redskins due to a jaw-droppingly terrible defense and Tiki-less offense.

Solution: Play every game against the Redskins. This may be difficult to arrange, but going 16-0 is worth it…

also the Dolphins…

Problem: Have dropped off the face of the earth since your mascot was stolen by Ray Finkle and then recovered by Ace Ventura.

Solution: Attempt to lure the many Marlins fans away from their games to increase your home attendance (seriously, what were those 400 people doing there in the first place?)

Ron Bermuda
September 27th, 2007 at 10:53 am

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